Last week, I met with a woman in her early 50s who was preparing to separate from her husband. They share three children-two are grown and out on their own, and their youngest still has two years of high school to go. Like many women I work with, her biggest concern was understanding the financial side of the divorce. She's been a stay-at-home mom for nearly 20 years, having left a promising career to raise her family. Now, she finds herself financially dependent on her husband-and completely in the dark about their finances.

She shared that past attempts to talk about money with her husband had turned into arguments, so she eventually stopped asking, choosing instead to keep the peace for the sake of the family.

She scheduled a consultation with me because she knew she needed someone in her corner-someone who could help her understand her financial picture, uncover all marital assets, and determine her husband's actual income. A friend referred her to me, knowing I specialize in divorce financial planning and act as a financial advocate throughout the process. I help women like her get organized, prepare for mediation, and build the foundation for long-term financial stability.

During our meeting, we discussed how important it is to know- before separating-what assets are on the table and what kind of spousal and child support she might expect. She was also concerned that her husband wouldn't be forthcoming during mediation, and I began considering which attorneys might best support her based on her needs and concerns.

I walked her through the services I offer, including a Marital Standard of Living Analysis and an Income Analysis-both designed to help women understand what they're entitled to and how to advocate for themselves during settlement discussions. We agreed on a plan to begin gathering financial information and preparing a baseline offer for spousal and child support.

But just a few days later, she let me know she'd decided to hold off and hire an attorney first. Unless there's an urgent need for legal protection-such as a Domestic Violence Protection Order-I always recommend addressing the financial side first. Without it, even the best attorney can't move forward. They'll need a completed financial affidavit, accurate income documentation, and a clear picture of the marital estate to begin drafting separation paperwork.

Unfortunately, I see this happen often.

In fact, I spoke with another woman this week who has already spent a significant amount in legal fees and has gone through mediation three times -yet still doesn't have a finalized settlement. Her attorney referred her to me to help her evaluate the latest proposal and assess whether it meets her needs. Her parents have even been loaning her money to cover her legal costs-something that can be financially devastating for people in retirement (but that's a topic for another blog).

I'll review her documents, run my analyses, and give her a clear picture of whether the proposed settlement supports her short-term stability and long-term financial stability. That clarity will help her and her attorney negotiate an agreement-and finally bring the legal expenses to an end.

If you're considering separation, here's where to start:

1. Understand your financial position - What assets are part of the marital estate? What debts exist?

2. Determine whether you'll need financial support - If so, how much and for how long?

3. Gather documentation - You'll need proof of income, expenses, and account balances to build your case and secure a fair settlement.

You don't have to do this alone.

If you're thinking about divorce and are unsure where to begin, schedule a consultation. Together, we can build a plan that empowers you to make informed decisions-before the legal process begins.

Disclosure: Guardian and its subsidiaries do not endorse or have any direct or indirect responsibility with respect to mediation.